March twenty third
todays mood tracker
It´s March 23rd. Tonight I´ll catch a flight to go back home, but since the flight isn’t until 01:30 in the morning, I have one more day in one of my favorite places in the world.
I don´t even remember if I told you, but I left Berlin quite spontaneously in January, I made the decision and booked the flight only five days before leaving, a response to everything that was going on in my life – the recent loss of both my grandparents, of my job, and other shit that life was throwing at me, I´ve talked about it quite a lot on here.
I´ve always been good at running away, and I told myself I wouldn´t anymore, I´d stay and face my challenges, and I have, to some degree, but this was highly necessary, and in retrospect the exact right thing to do. I had my first happy moments again; I saw the sun every day (Berlins winters really aren´t for the weak) and faced new struggles which led me to not thinking about everything going on in Berlin for a bit. I also blew almost all my savings, which forces me to go out and find a new job very soon, which I didn´t find the motivation to do before when I was in Berlin.
I stayed in Mumbai for only for a week at my friend’s apartment to attend Lollapalooza, a music festival where Linkin Park was headlining. One of my favorite bands in my favorite country, and it was exactly as special as I thought it would be – I was so happy singing my heart out in the crowd (the loudest crowd I’ve ever witnessed in a concert) and was overflowing with genuine gratitude. We also randomly met Yungblud, and just overall had a blast the whole week.
So I was in Mumbai even before coming to Thailand, I´ve written you from Koh Chang, but I know I haven´t updated you in quite a bit. I broke my finger when I was back in Bangkok, had to wear a cast for over a month, so typing words into my laptop wasn´t exactly my ideal activity – even things like writing emails took forever.
From Thailand, I chose to go back to Mumbai, just because I didn´t enjoy Thailand as much, and I missed India and especially Mumbai.
I´ve been here for another month, living with my friend Dagi, and I´m so, so grateful for this time, on the other hand, leaving breaks my heart a little. I am working on creating a separate piece of writing about my favorite things to do in Mumbai, I´ll let you know once it´s ready to be shared.
In Berlin I often feel like I´m not enough, or not okay the way I am, which obviously isn´t the city’s fault but mostly my internalized perception of how I have to be versus how I am, which is deeply rooted in my childhood. When I travel, when I´m out of my daily routines, I feel different, I feel bubbly and outgoing and most of the time, stupidly happy. Of course, I also have days where I don’t feel that way, especially when traveling for a bit longer.
Anyways, right now it´s 9:12 in the morning, I´m sitting in my favorite chair by the window that I´ve been sitting in every morning and every night, observing the busy streets of Mumbai.
🪑
Today I´ll go and eat at some of my favorite places one last time, I definitely have to eat one last Vada Pav (or two), visit one of my favorite streetfood uncles for a Mysore Masala Dosa, I need to eat my last Momos, grab a fresh coconut and maybe some sugarcane juice, and if I still have room in my stomach, sit down in a Dhaba for some Bhindi Masala. I have a whole day, I think I´ll be able to fit it all in if I leave the apartment soon.
Besides that, I wanna motorbike around the city as much as I can, maybe sit at Marine Drive or Chowpatty Beach for a bit, stroll around the streets of my neighborhood one last time, pick up some airplane snacks, romanticize my life in the trains of Mumbai, maybe get a haircut and if I have the time go to my favorite bookstore and blow my last rupees on a book to read during my flight.
update: the book I bought
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And I have to pack my stuff. I need to borrow a suitcase from Dagi because I collected a lot of things over the past four weeks, lots of spices, some oils, tea, health products like Amla powder and Tulsi drops, A LOT of incense sticks (I kept buying some every time I passed a stall selling them, it didn´t feel like a lot at the time but yesterday I realized how many different incense sticks I have accumulated), my favorite Indian toothpaste (I have 10 packages piling up in the bathroom to take home), soap, shampoo, the list goes on. I also bought a few jewelry pieces like Bangles and earrings, and a pair of toe rings that I´m obsessed with, I haven´t taken them off ever since buying them and I´m not planning on taking them off, ever.
I´m not really a big shopper (I know it looks like it), I didn´t buy anything in Thailand except for some Tiger Balm, but when it comes to India it´s a different story, I have my favorite products that I can´t get in Germany, so I know I need to stock up while I´m here.
I´m a bit nervous my suitcase will be overweight, we´ll see about that later.
Update: ✶ I had 23 kgs of allowed baggage, and my suitcase was 22,6 kg so that worked out very well.
Actually, I´m quite hungry right now, I´ll go out and pack later, which is exactly what I did when coming here, the day of my flight when leaving Berlin I had all the time in the world which I spent by browsing through my favorite second hand record store to pick up some albums for the trip.
In the end, I only started packing 1.5 hours before I had to go to the airport and was horribly stressed out and thought I´ll miss my flight (I didn´t). Well, something tells me today will be quite similar. Because learning from my mistakes and packing in the morning and going out afterwards would be the smart thing to do, right?
— ☾ —
Now it´s 7:04 pm, my stomach is filled with all my favorite foods (I managed to eat it all), I´m back home and I´ll start packing now.
Dagi and I wanted to finish the final episode of the show we´re currently watching together, if I hurry and pack quickly we´ll find some time. The series is called Unfamiliar, I highly recommend, and it only has a few episodes.
Update: ✶ Writing this from Berlin, a few days later. Looking back, I have no idea why I was so chill when I wrote the last paragraph. I should´ve been stressed, and I should´ve packed my shit instead of being on my laptop. As expected, things got very hectic and chaotic, but in the end, I managed it to the airport in time. Traveling was quite smooth, except I missed my connection in Munich, so they had to rebook me to go from Munich to Vienna and from Vienna to Berlin, but in the end, I arrived in Berlin safely. It´s been some days, I haven´t adjusted to the cold at all, and I have a stomachache since yesterday that won´t go away, but I´m hoping it´ll pass soon. Also, I went to the hairdresser for a haircut, and he fucked up my hair so badly, I need to get it fixed somewhere here in Berlin. Everyone I´ve shown my hair to so far was speechless about how someone could mess up this hair so much. I was quite mad that day, but honestly, it´s just hair, it´ll grow back, I might look like shit for a bit but there´s worse things in the world.
— ☾ —
I´m at the airport now, it´s 12:04 am, I´m sitting at the gate waiting for boarding. Everything was a bit hectic, but now I have some time left since my flight is slightly delayed. I feel like my stomach is filled with 100 liters of water, but at least I´m hydrated. I don´t like flying and I know I won´t be able to sleep, but that´s that. Tomorrow I´ll sleep in my own bed again.
On my way to the airport, I got so emotional about Mumbai and my love for this city, and the fact that I don´t know when the next time I visit will be. But it´s okay, I´ll do my best for life in Berlin, I´ll work and enjoy spring and summer, I´ll visit my parents in my hometown and maybe do a short trip to the coast of northern Germany.
I´m in the process of editing a little video I filmed of my last day today, I´ll send it to you later once I finish it.
How are you? I hope you´re doing alright, and I´ll talk to you soon. Like, actually soon. Now that my finger is healed properly I wanna write a lot more, because it brings me so much joy.
