About me

I´m writing under the pseudonym Lou Miller because I thought Cate Blanchett looked hot in Ocean´s 8. Besides the fake name, everything I write about is real. I just thought it would be fun to have one.

I´m in my mid-20s, 26, to be precise. I try to navigate adulthood, yet I can´t sleep without my childhood teddy bear in my arms at night. I wear old man’s hats and carry around my bedazzled mp3 player that younger me would´ve gone insane for. That´s probably a good thing. It means I´m giving space to all the versions of myself living inside me, each of them valid.

The one who wants to vagabond around the world with no plan of ever returning home. The one who craves a place to call home. The one who dreams of filming concert documentaries while on tour. The one who wants to make the world a better place, although she has no idea what that would look like. The one who wants to be a singer in a rock band, even though her singing voice is terrible. The one who wants to lie on the beach, naked on some tropical island every day for the rest of her life. The one who wonders what life would have been like if she had finished university to pursue a career in teaching. The one who thinks about who she would be now if she had never left her hometown. All of them are little puzzle pieces that make me me.

The other day, when applying for a job, they asked for my hobby – why would they wanna know about how I spend my free time? What I should´ve written to stay true to myself is that clubbing is my greatest hobby; it´s the one activity that brings me the most joy. Moving my body under the glittering mirrorball, feeling way-too-loud music in every cell of my body. Instead, I wrote dancing. Other things that lift me up after a fucked day are ordering takeout (no greater happiness than constantly refreshing the app and seeing the delivery guy come closer and closer), going to the sauna (sitting naked next to strangers while feeling my ear piercings burning through my skin does wonders to my mental health) or boiling myself alive in a burning-hot bath, emerging looking like a boiled lobster. Besides that, journaling about my feelings so I don’t go insane and cooking myself comfort food are two other things that lift me up.

This blog is built around all the things I love. Music and collecting CDs. Going to the cinema and watching movies. Creating videos. Books and reading. Traveling. Talking about the most random shit that keeps my mind busy. The color red. Food I´m currently obsessed with. And of course, writing.

Often I feel confused or overwhelmed. And when I feel that way, I write. I write and I write, as if it were a magic trick that could make all my worries disappear – and somehow, it does, even if only for a while. So that´s what I´ll do here.