I put my childhoods bed sheets on my bed again
as found on my pinterest board
Last week, I was at my childhood home in my hometown when, suddenly, a wave of nostalgia hit me. Naturally, I went up to the attic to look through my old stuff, read old diaries, and reminisced about times and memories long forgotten if I hadn’t immortalized them on paper.
I went through photobooks my Mum made when I was a kid, looked through the camera rolls and notes apps on my old phones, and found the bedsheets I had as a kid. They’re pink and covered in little hearts, and the material is super soft and cozy, so of course, I decided to take them with me to Berlin.
Last night, I put those bedsheets on my bed again, and when I cuddled up under them with my childhood teddy bear in my arms, I felt so safe and protected and peaceful, I can’t even describe it.
as found on my pinterest board pt.2
I try to do a lot of things that connect me back to my inner child, that bring back that sweet, innocent, always-curious kid. Because she’s still in me, I carry her with me wherever I go. And I genuinely believe that connecting with my inner child and remembering where I come from is when I feel the most joyful.
When I pick up hobbies I enjoyed as a kid, now as an adult, I can get lost in them and spend hours doing something without realizing how quickly time has passed.
I don’t know if the key to happiness is connecting with your inner child, but I do know that it seems to be a pretty important part of mine.
For so long, I tried to be an adult. I mean, I am an adult. But adult life doesn’t always fit me. I tried adult hobbies like Pilates and pottery and going for runs. To be honest, they don’t fulfill me at all.
But when I read, when I make little photo books or magazines (I’ve heard making zines is back in style right now – when I was a kid, I loved making little “newspapers” for my parents to read), when I’m out in nature, when I swim in lakes or the ocean, when I see horses — those are the moments when hours pass like minutes and I get completely lost in my own little universe.
Mostly when I’m not distracted by the internet or my phone.
Sometimes, I also like to connect with my inner teenager. By reading teen magazines in my room while listening to Avril Lavigne. By rewatching Gossip Girl for the thousandth time. By looking at photos from the 2015 Tumblr era or watching those oversaturated YouTube videos by my favorite American YouTubers during said era. By painting my nails in various colors and wearing my colorful Converse.
And, in a way, by blogging. When I was in my early teens, I wanted to be a blogger, just like all those beauty and lifestyle bloggers who were huge in 2014.
There’s a book I read when I was in India, The Book of Children by Osho. Yes, I know, supporting or not supporting Osho is a whole different topic. But I read this book years ago and just remembered today that I still had it on my bookshelf.
I want to create a safe space for my inner child to live in.
Sometimes I’m doing well with that, sometimes I’m not.
When I’m mad at myself, I try to look at photos of me as a kid and remember that she’s always with me. When I’m sad, I try to imagine hugging my inner child, making her feel safe and comforted. I think about what I would have needed as a kid to feel better. Hot chocolate? Cuddling with my stuffed animals? Some soup? It’s a way of taking care of myself during times when I’m not getting along very well with myself.
I also recently started talking to my inner child. Talking to little Lou, treating her with love and softness. In the beginning, I felt stupid doing that. But over time, it became a natural habit, and it has genuinely improved my relationship with myself and my life in general.
I felt like sharing this because when I was lying in bed last night, cuddled up in my childhood bedsheets, I felt so at peace with myself, and with all the versions of myself that have ever existed.
There are versions of myself that I still have a hard time treating with love and care. But last night, for a moment, it felt like they were all there with me. And I felt alright being who I am, and everybody I’ve ever been.