stay lost as long as you can
āstop figuring out who you are meant to be, stay lost as long as you canā
IĀ“ve heard this quote the other day, and it really changed the way I am thinking, itĀ“s such a beautiful way of shifting my mind. I think for the longest time it was my goal to find myself, to figure out who I am and what my purpose in life is. But I started liking not knowing.
Why should I figure out who I am? It just takes away from my freedom.
All those years I tried to figure out who I am but lately, over the course of the last year, I started to change the goal. Instead of seeing who I am, I wanna meet as many versions of me as possible.
Knowing who I am is only gonna limit me.
There are so many sides of me that I donĀ“t know yet. For example, if I followed that path that my family wanted me to follow, I would be a teacher now. And I wouldĀ“ve never known how good I am at traveling the world on my own. Because before I did it, I thought itĀ“s something I could never do, IĀ“m not the type of person for it and itĀ“s gonna be nothing more than a dream of mine. Maybe in another life I could go out into the world. In this life, IĀ“m too quiet, too introverted. Turns out IĀ“m only too quiet around people I donĀ“t feel good around. If I wouldĀ“ve stayed in my hometown and went to Uni right after graduating High School, I wouldĀ“ve never gone to Mexico, and Ireland, and India on my own. Those were places that deeply shaped me, revealing sides of myself I wouldĀ“ve never met otherwise.
What I wanted to say is that once I think I know who I am, IĀ“ll get too comfortable. I know I wouldnĀ“t reach for growth anymore or strive to get better. But maybe, the person I am supposed to be is completely different from who I always thought I was.
The person I am is a reflection of the people around me and my experiences. But if I change the experiences, maybe even a few people around me, wouldnĀ“t that reveal a new version of myself? Maybe someone I like, maybe someone I donĀ“t, either way itĀ“s a good thing to meet new versions of myself.
I know the Universe is guiding me, I know thereĀ“s a plan that I donĀ“t know about somewhere, and itĀ“s gonna slowly reveal itself once I let go of all expectations.
IĀ“m gonna stay lost and find beauty in it.
This used to stress me out, but itĀ“s actually a great chance. I have no idea what IĀ“m doing with my life and thatĀ“s okay. ItĀ“s actually great. I also know IĀ“d be so bored if I had my whole life path in front of me, even tho itĀ“s what society wants me to - knowing what we want and to grow up as fast as possible. Going to Uni, get a good, society accepted job, marry, kids, house in the suburbs.
I found peace in not knowing. I donĀ“t have to have it all figured out. Life canĀ“t be planned anyways.
Instead of trying to figure out who I am, IĀ“ll do my best to be present. Be content with what I have in the moment without always thinking about the future and making plans. IĀ“m a lot happier and content with life when I let it all go. Being lost is a beautiful thing. I donĀ“t have to have it figured out. How boring that would be.
I donĀ“t know if my point came clear, I feel like this was a bit messy. But what I wanted to say is that seeing being lost as a chance instead of a burden changed my life. It took away all the pressure I felt from society to have it figured out, to have a life plan and to know what I want in life. When IĀ“m lost, I donĀ“t settle into the comfort of a version of myself I think is me. Things like āI canĀ“t do that, it doesnĀ“t fit meā wonĀ“t be said. Because I can do whatever I fucking want. Reinvent myself. Try and make mistakes and try again all over again. Because there is no settled version myself out there. Maybe there will never me a āfinal versionā of me (I hope not!). There are so many versions of myself IĀ“ve never met, and there will be so many times where IĀ“ll surprise myself. I hope IĀ“ll say āI didnĀ“t even know I could do thatā a thousand more times in life, the way I already said it a thousand times already. I might go out and try something completely new today.
(Update: I didnĀ“t try something completely new that day, but I went to Ecstatic Dance for the first time in a very long time and remembered how much I loved it. And I thought about how when I was a teenager, I always wanted to be able to dance (not in my room, in public) but I thought I could never do that because people would think IĀ“m weird. Today I donĀ“t give a fuck.)
Little disclaimer:
I wrote this in September 2025 based on a journal entry I wrote in August 2024. Many things changed, the way that things change within a year. For the first time in my life, I have found a glimpse of what I would like my future to look like. But I wonĀ“t ever settle, I wanna continue to try new things, potentially meeting versions of myself I thought would never even exist. I chose to still write about this because this way of shifting my mindset really helped me in not feeling as lost, or like IĀ“m behind in life when everyone around me seemed to have everything figured out. And I know so many people out there are feeling this way. As always, feel free to share your thoughts and experiences on this in the comments.
