postcard from paris
As I´m writing this it´s already late November, over a month after this trip. Things were quite hectic, and I wanted to take my time finding the right words.
Anyways, last month, I was sitting at my desk in my room. It was a Friday morning; I did my best to focus on work but kept being distracted by the thought of a concert that was about to happen on Monday in Paris.
It was long sold out, I had set up e mail notifications for when tickets were up for resale, months and months went by, tickets would come and go, but I had no luck.
Eventually, I just accepted that it probably wasn´t meant to be.
This fine Friday morning, I suddenly felt like changing the narrative. I decided I would keep refreshing the resale page until I got a ticket.
I will go to Paris. And I will see that concert. Suddenly, my vision was crystal clear.
So I sat there all day, refreshing the page every few minutes while pretending to work on the side (I wasn´t!). It felt obsessive in a way, but after being in refresh mode for so long I literally couldn´t stop.
And in the end, I scored a ticket. Within an hour, I booked a bed in a hostel, a bus to Paris and a flight back to Berlin. I felt hesitant because of money reasons, but I just did it. I shoved some things into my backpack, it was already late, and I would leave the next morning.
Falling asleep seemed like an impossible task. I barely slept because I was excited like a little kid. It´s a recurring theme for me: I struggle to sleep whenever something exciting is planned for the next day.
The next morning, I took the train to my hometown, since it´s kinda on the way from Berlin to Paris. I felt like visiting my grandma in the hospital together with my Dad and Grandpa. It was just a feeling, which turned out to be so right - she passed away just a week later. I got to tell her I love her, that was my way of saying goodbye, even though I didn´t know this was our final goodbye.
It was a butterfly effect for sure. One concert led to a last-minute trip to Paris, which led me through my hometown and gave me the chance to say goodbye to my grandma without knowing I was saying goodbye.
I spent Saturday night in my childhood home, eating pumpkin soup my Mum made, updating and being updated by my sister about everything that´s going on in our lives.
Sunday, I hopped on a bus to Paris. I brought my journal and a book but ended up listening to Patti’s music for almost the whole nine-hour drive, mostly looking out of the window and watching the pretty red and orange trees pass by. I just love slow travel; there is something about being on a bus while watching the world go by. I was hit by waves of melancholia as they always do when visiting my childhood home, mixed with so much excitement for the day ahead.
The bus arrived in Paris around nine in the evening, it was warmer than I expected, that´s something I remember quite clearly.
The hostel turned out to be in a sketchy area, a bit outside of Paris, but since I booked at the last minute and was on a budget, this was the only option.
Originally, my plan was to stroll around Paris for a bit but I decided to go straight to the hostel because I was so exhausted - how can one be so tired? All I did was sitting on a bus.
The next day I woke up early, being sleepy as I went to the bathroom and stumbling over a girl passed out on drugs in the entrance to the bathroom - I guess that sums up the vibe the hostel gave off quite well.
Eventually, I made my way into the city, stopping by a grocery store for my favorite Paris breakfast on a budget: freshly pressed orange juice and either a chocolate or a plain croissant. This time I went with plain.
Walked up to the Seine and enjoyed my breakfast while listening to Patti on my mp3 player. I´m quite torn about listening to the Artists music the day of the concert, sometimes I do, sometimes I don´t.
Besides Patti´s music, I also tuned in to the soundtrack of the movie “the fabulous life of Amélie” - is there a better album to listen to in Paris? I don´t think so.
For some reason I found this hilarious and had to laugh
I wandered along the Seine all the way to the Eiffel Tower, which never fails to make life feel magical (at least for me as a tourist).
Afterwards, I sat by the Seine with my journal before passing by a Vietnamese restaurant as I was attracted by a very good lunch offer. While waiting for my food I started a new book called “Der Fall Brooklyn” (Motherless Brooklyn as its original title) by Jonathan Lethem, which I picked up from the library in Berlin.
And what would a little city trip be without browsing through record stores? I couldn´t resist and took home two CDs from a cute little secondhand record store, LA woman by the Doors and Tracy Chapman by Tracy Chapman (2€ each, so basically free!)
Because I walked so much, I chose to go back to my hostel to lay down for an hour before heading to the concert venue. Looking back, this might´ve been a waste of time. I ended up spending way too much time on the subway, but it was what it was. At least I got to drop off my things at the hostel.
<- loving this sign in front of the venue
Then it was time for the concert: I feel so blessed to be alive during the same time she is. I´ve seen her live many times now but can´t help tearing up a little every time she enters the stage. Something about her presence is so special, I can´t even explain it.
Maybe this was my favorite concert of hers, but I can´t decide that as of now.
I think I mentioned before that the concert was a celebration of her debut record Horses. It was released 50 years ago, which is crazy to think about.
Horses is (in my opinion) the greatest debut record someone has ever put out - of course I don´t know every single debut record of every band but I´m convinced that for me, in my little universe, there is no greater debut than this.
She played the whole record the way it is on the album, song after song, and ended the concert with some of her other tracks including my favorite song of hers, Pissing in a river, and a cover of the Smashing Pumpkins Bullet with butterfly wings.
Post concert depression hit the moment she left the stage; I walked around outside the concert venue for a bit to process and get some fresh air before making my way back to my hostel dorm.
The next morning, I had to fly back to Berlin - not a big fan of flying but I had no choice since I had to be back at work that same afternoon. After barely sleeping in my hostel dorm - I kept waking up in the middle of the night convinced I had slept through my alarm, only to realize it was still the middle of the night - I made my way to the airport.
My flight was delayed by 3 hours, which was unfortunate, but the compensation I received almost paid for the whole trip. It felt like the universe was somehow making room for this journey.
The reason I hesitated to go was because technically, I didn´t have the money for it. I chose to go anyways and justify it by picking up extra shifts the following month. I´m glad I woke up with a fuck-it mentality that Friday morning.
I was late to work that day because of the delay, but no one seemed to be mad, instead, my team was so happy for me, and I could geek out about Patti – even though my favorite coworker told me she had never heard of her. Unbelievable.
Now it’s a month later, and I still think about that weekend with so much gratitude. Not everything about it made sense at the time, but looking back, I’m incredibly thankful I went.
That way, I got to say goodbye without knowing it was goodbye.
