there is anger
Like most people, I should probably go to therapy. But since finding a therapist who is a good match without waiting for years in Germany is like spotting butterflies in Antarctica (impossible), I embarked on my own little self-help journey instead.
Years ago, when the first lockdown hit, I went through a phase of reading self-help books — or rather, excessively spending money on them without actually reading them and calling it a journey of self-discovery.
Years went by, and I continued without much desire to improve anything in my life, with a few exceptions where I suddenly felt like turning my entire life upside down and improving every single area of it, until I felt exhausted and overwhelmed and went back to what life had looked like before.
Anyway, my journey with self-help resources has been quite rocky – that´s probably why I’m still pretty certain therapy would benefit me a lot.
Recently, though, I started watching self-help videos online every now and then.
The other day, I came across a video made for kids, with the intention of teaching them a healthy way of dealing with their emotions. (Actually, my Mum sent it to me.)
The basic idea was that no emotion is inherently good or bad. It’s just an emotion. Something that wants to be observed and felt, and then eventually let go of — like clouds passing by without us having to read anything into them.
What stood out to me the most was something the protagonist, a teddy bear, said next.
By saying “there is anger” instead of “I’m angry”, I create a gap between myself and the emotion. Suddenly, there is space between me and the anger, a tiny room that wasn’t there before. Because I am not my emotions. Anger is valid. It’s allowed to be there, and I can learn to observe it without drowning in it.
Anger is like a storm passing through my body and eventually moving on. The problem is that I’m very good at drowning in it — continuously and obsessively thinking about whatever made me angry until it ruins my entire day.
In the video, they used the metaphor of throwing a rock into a lake: the circles spread across the water, but after a while, they naturally disappear and the surface of the lake becomes still again.
Same with anger.
I just have to stop throwing rocks.
— ☾ —
Well, I just felt like sharing that.
“There is anger” changed something in the way I think about my emotions. Maybe it’s not groundbreaking. Maybe it is. I honestly don’t know.
I’m still in the process of trying it out and figuring out whether I can actually make it work for me. I’ve had situations where it genuinely helped, and others where I completely forgot about it until hours later.
It’s an ongoing process, I guess. But I like the idea that I don’t have to become less angry, less sad, less frustrated or less emotional. Maybe I just need to remember that whatever I’m feeling is something that is happening to me, not something that is me.
And sometimes, all I need is a little room between myself and the feeling.
Take care, and I’ll talk to you soon.